Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Savannah's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 6th, 2008
10:34 pm	bicycle tour of america parts I and II I He was leaving.  Or maybe he was going.  Something has to be left behind if you’re leaving.  It was 4 AM and he was going.  He stuck his small pile of items in his back pack and hopped onto his bike seat.  The bitch had stolen his heart and then his car.  He didn’t care, it was better this way.  For 8 months he had been dating her.  But “dating” did not do their relationship justice.  Their hearts beat at the same pace.  Somewhere in the midst of their mutual obsession she’d had a mental breakdown.  Her eyes got glassy.  They turned the most beautiful black.              She said she needed time.  He said fine.  She asked to burrow his car.  He said “anything for you”.  He was stupid. For 8 months he’d been holding his breath.   She called him yesterday only to yell into the phone “I’m in New York!  Oh, and I’ve got your car.  I’ll be back in a few months.”  She was drunk.  She had to be drunk.  She was fuckin’ crazy.  He didn’t care anymore.  He was going.  He was breathing. II             “Chyeah right,” his sister laughed when he told her his plan.  “You’re going to make it about 10 more miles and then realize you’d rather be back in Portland.  Then you’re going to be calling me begging me to come pick you up because you don’t feel like biking the 30 miles back.”  She was his sister, he loved her, but man, she could be a bitch.  “No man. This is for real.  I’m doing a bicycle tour of America.  I need to get some perspective,” he said.  “Damn right you do!  What do you think I’m trying to give you?!” she said.  He sighed. Sometimes you’ve just go to go completely solo.  He hung up.  She’d understand.  That’s what sisters are for.  He ate another orange slice.  Oranges suck.  Citrus foods suck.  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
10:11 am	things i need to remember while i'm remembering them heh. there was a week or so where i thought i was in love with everyone in my school, that the fact that we were all seniors has us glued together like a happy little family.  alas alas, i went to visit sugar and realized, that if only i got to spend more time there, my two selves would become one, and i could be myself completely (whoever that is) and fit in beautifully.  it is one of those instances where your heart wants to be in 2 places at once.  i love this tiny town, but i can imagine that my social life would have been very different had i grown up in a place where the kids listened to the same toons as me and were always attempting to play music.  i could have been musical, and i'm still hoping that their enthusiasm will rub off on me.  my social phobias would be much less intense, i'm sure, and i wish that for the final months of my senior year i could be in tosa, to experience something new, and i expect, better. i'm counting down how long until i return (3 weeks) and hoping that by the time i get back all the people i met haven't already forgotten me.  this switching between to social worlds is a little stressful, and i tend to choke up and get quiet, but i'm feeling ready to take on this social challenge and meet some true bloo friends and sing their socks off, and convince them to let me join a band and then become famous.  (that was a bit of an exaggeration) it's a good thing that sarah is the only that reads this. and still we walked humbly down the street praising every bug that met the wrath of our feet you believed the colors when they told you you were blue, even though i told you not to the steps we take in our sleep take us backward every snore is a war against time (HAHAHAHAHA my mind is coming up with awful metaphors, similes and analogies.) i wish i could write songs. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
11:26 am	Ways in which my educators have failed me. She is moving.  He r body is trapped in the knowledge, the things they taught her.  She didn't know ther was anything else.  Feelings mean nothing when you're learning. Assume that your brain and heart are not connected. The things they say make me shut my mind nad tune them out because sometimes they don't deserve to be heard (when they're not hearing us).  I want to be a number in the crowd.  I would like to be invisitlbe for a while.  IN my mind I'm yelling "IM NOT LISTENING!" because in my mind I'm 3 and the world is mine and your slow drone is interrupting my beautiful singing.  People don't see you, the never see you.  I am opaque, and you are looking through me.  I am a zombie worn by years of mouths speaking through me.  My educations has broken mind because no one has the time to realize they need to take more time.  I have done years of dishonor to myself by never acting seriously.  My cheeks are burning with frustration and I think it's pretty.  They've made us defensive because they taught us that being wrong is wrong.  I want to cry, but I won't.  I want to act like a baby but when you get older it's forbidden to need anyone other than yourself.  Right now, I never want to see these faces again because they know who I've been and not who  iwill be.  I think they have faith in me, but I haven't taught them that I am a person to be taken seriously.  I shoud try, I should care, I should try to care but all I've ever learned was things.  We never spend time on the things that are important.  How do you let someone know you're upset with out being hostile to them?  I miss Sugar and Sarah RIGHT NOW because they can read my mind and they can fix it just as easily.  I wish the things I loved and held closer were more important to the world, and the more I learn the more dpressed I feel.  The more i feel like hiding in side and becoming a Zombie.  I am 17 and everything I know and feel is tainted with factual knowledge.  I'm nearly 18, i should be reado to think for myself but you've used my brain to store your knowledge and now all i want is for you to think for me.  Congradulations teachers (off all brands) in setting me back 10 years.  (Minus the few of you the gave me room to use my mind for my own purposes.) Senioritis is more than just an anxious desire to leave. It is a discovery.  A terrible discovery that the last 13 years of your life have been very close to a waste. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
11:05 pm	twat I'm officially officially fresh out of words to write in scholarship essays.  i sound like a twat in all my essays.  it was much too cold to walk to school today, but i didn't realize that until it was too late, so i spent the whole day trying to warm up.  now all i want to do is sleep but anxiety is pumping through my veins and i feel like i haven't gotten anything done.  i have everything half done. we don't have any envelopes the right size and that is making me royally pissed. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 18th, 2008
11:05 am	goood daaayy dropping chamber choir to take an independent studies course that will focus on some African aspect. AND, more excitingly, I am headed to UW MADISON FOR COLLEGE!!!!!!!! after weeks of anticipation i am in in in in in innnnn!!!  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 12th, 2007
9:44 am	He wears his wrist watch like it's a vital organ.  The way it slides up and down his wrist with every movement makes him nervous.  We're stuck on time.  We're broken.  Every night before he goes to bed he cautiously slips the watch off his writst, kisses its face, before setting on his night stand.  We are trapped by the future.  We're broken.  He wakes up and showers.  He put his watch on before slipping into his underwear.  WE are babies.  WE are babies forever.  The inscription on the back of the watch reads "time is of the essence."  He polishes it daily.  he is in love.  We are sad.  We live in a world where happiness is television.  We don't deserve these precious lives.  We keep talking but we're saying nothing.  I want you tosay something.  I want you to say something.  I want his watch to break.  You are screaming.  How can you hear yourself think?  I want you to say something. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
10:41 pm	west coast. at this very moment in time i have an incredibly strong desire to go to san fransisco for school next year so i can learn how to surf and intern at mcsweeny's or at least volunteer for one of the many organizations dave eggers is a part of. i know my mother worries. but there is a big part of me that want to go west. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
9:07 pm	the past and pending She slouches carelessly in her seat, trying to embrace what is left of the cool summer day.  The shadows of passing cars move across her face at warp speed, reminding me of strobe lights.  "How was Vegas?" she asks, the way one does when attempting to make small talk.  "The same as usual," I say nonchalantly, like going to Vegas is my job, something I do everyday.  "Did you win any money?" she asks, trying to stop the awkward silence from slipping into our conversation permanently.   "40 bucks.  Not really worth the trip." I say with slight sarcasm in my voice, to lighten the mood.  "Of course the amount of liquor I drank probably put me in the hole at least $100" I said, and then paused "man, I got so fuckin' wasted. You would've been proud."  She laughs half heartedly, but I can see her eyes are glazed over and that they are  fixated on the little grains of salt scattered over the table.  I start to regret this decision to meet an old friend in some odd attempt to rekindle some sort of friendship, sometimes things just aren't meant to be.             She sighs, a long heavy sigh, and I don't know what that means.  "How's your love life?" I ask even though the conversation has always made me uncomfortable.  "Oh, the same as always, you know me," she says while smirking slightly with her eyes.  "What about you?  Have any boy encounters yet?" she asks condescendingly.  "No, no boys," I say in hopes of avoiding further inquiry.  She doesn't get it though.  "God Dammit!  When are you going to meet someone?" she says like I've been choosing to remain with out a boyfriend just to torture her.  I don't respond.  If this conversation goes much further we'll be talking about my celibacy and sex talk has always made me uncomfortable.              Suddenly, I feel slightly sick to my stomach, a feeling I remember well, that reminds me of high school and the days when I let other people control me.  For some reason, I had more to say then, probably because I was never speaking for myself.  She looks at me strangely, like she knows exactly what I'm thinking.  She used to be too self involved to notice that she never really knew me.  "I'm sorry," she whispers vaguely, almost as though to someone else.  I don't know what to say.  There are things I miss about the way I used to be, the things I used to do, but I let that all go for a reason, and I can't say I'm sorry if I don't mean it.  I stare at her a little longer and then glance down at her hand bag and say "I like your purse."  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
10:41 pm	ciao bella     We all choose something to believe in.  We put meaning into things that are seemingly meaningless.  Does this make them something? Or do are they just meaningless things that we falsify?  we are keeping ourselves alive.  we are keeping ourselves well.  i've almost figured out how to be as independent as will ever be necessary.  not that i know. what do i know? i'm only 17.  i'm more immature experience wise than a 12 year old. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
9:16 pm	coffee beans. I like to spend rainy days getting lost in books, but I can't pretend I don't have a terrible obsession with television.  Despite the fact that we don't have a television in my house, I somehow manage to watch more TV than my friends whose houses are adorned with 3-4 televisions.  I like doing handstands.  My body curves at an awkward angle when I'm upside down like that, as though I balance better by being slightly off center.  I find that this reflects on my personality.  I'm far too aware of my quirks and play them up in an attempt to make a statement even though I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.  I secretly hope I have quirks that I'm completely unaware of, knowing so much about oneself is unhealthy.  I believe in magic.  I see it in when I watch people listen to live music, I see it when my family is piled into a room laughing.  I have  vague attempts at being witty, but I usually think too much and become too serious.  This is not what I wanted it to be.  Things are not ever what I want them to be.  (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 4th, 2007
10:11 am	Might-Have-Been She comes in everyday and sits thinking about her might-have-beens while eating should-be-thin sorts of meals.  She doesn't like the way her hair droops in front of her eyes.  If only she had gotten it cut at the salon it could-have-been the right length and changed her existence completely.  She lives her life in reverse, experiencing something, only to replay all the things that had ever happened to her in backwards.  Her mother worries.                  It’s not even that her life could have been so much better if she had made different choices.  Simply fact that she can’t live two lives to see how it could have worked out that really drives her crazy.  We all think we deserve something more, like a teenager who gets a new bike on their 16th birthday when they were expecting a car.  We think we deserve two lives, because someone, somewhere owes us something.  She doesn’t believe in God, but she thinks that he owes her a second life.  If she had a second life, she wouldn’t have to spend all of this one worrying about what might-have-been.  How do we release ourselves from the things that bind us?  How do we let ourselves go?  (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
10:58 pm	i speak in paradoxes because everything has two sides that really only equal one.  (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2007
9:55 pm	Je suis ici! After 2 years in hiding, i have returned to the live journal world.  unfortunately, i have nothing good to say just yet.  i have a strong urge to clean my room. [it is raining and that makes me feel safe and free. ] Current Music: pitter patter (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
8:16 am	howdy Well hello there, I haven't written in this for a while... In any case all my cousins have been, conquered, and left and I am left here with my brother who will be leaving in a few weeks time. I am actually finding things to keep me busy, like reading Cheaper by the Dozen. Apparently everyone is feeling sad and lonely since they are no longer surrounded by 14 other people all the time. I found out that I might have a typewriter that works which would be really cool... if I do I will probably type everyone I know letter on it because I will be so excited about the fact that I have a typewriter. If you have a paid accoutn you can post by phone? That seems silly. I think that my legs are getting better.. I seem to be noticing some of my things dissappearing or atleast not hurting to the touch which is excellent. I want some freaking frozen potstickers DAMMIT! I wonder where I can find them. I am getting desperate. ha ha. If I find them i am going to by about 30 packages so I never run out. ha ha. mmm... potstickers. ha ha. I am going to go dream of potstickers while watching Everybody Loves Raymond. leave me lots of notes because i am bored and checking this obsessively no doubt. Current Mood: -when am I not? Current Music: Ellis Paul (shuffling i-Pod) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2005
7:25 am	Cake! I went to see Cake last night and it was awesome (besides the fact that my dad almost got into a brawl, but you'll hear that story some other time). Anyways it was very cool and I miss it. Like I do with all things. Oh well. I might go see modest mouse at the Orpheum in June. hmm... I have to go to school now. Current Mood: good Current Music: No phone-Cake (playing in head) (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 12th, 2005
8:33 pm	I was 20 years old when I wrote this song and I'm 21 now but I won't be for now-Billy Brag Savannah is very bored. I have been watching to OC all day. It is like a relapse of the OC fever which Satchel and I had a few months ago. Much of it is because of my lack of friends that don't live 1600 miles away but I am determined to fix that soon. But for now I have my good friends Seth, Ryan, Marissa, Anna, and Summer to keep me company. Suprisingly enough, they don't seem to notice that I'm stalking them ;) In any case, this be my entry... I am going to go.. watch the oc and then attempt to do some homework. Current Mood: gloomy;but not that bad Current Music: The OC--They really do play good music sometimes (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
4:14 pm	Caught in some fatal accident Hello. I was bored and decided to write in this again. Listening to Radiohead makes me really sad, especialy ok computer because of Romeo and Juliet. It makes me depressed. After watching that movie I had some really sullen morbid thoughts. It was really scary and I really thought that I was losing my mind, which made me think of the Bell Jar a little but mostly I was just thinking of the movie. anyways, having the radiohead song at the end of the film just made me very depressed and now when I listen to it I get completely sullen and morbid and my vision gets blurry and I start hearing things (ok...minus the blurry vision and hearing things). so I thought I woudl just mention that. Only like 2 weeks until spring break... pretty exciting. Oh my, why did I start thinking of Romeo and Juliet again? I know that it is a classic tragedy bla bla bla. But it just makes me sad because it seems like they deserved to live more than a lot of people in the world and reminds you of all the terrible aspects of life in one big whoosh. Maybe I will write a poem about... considering I need to submit to the mark by tomorrow. I think that I am going to go do something to that effect. Current Mood: morbid.my word of the day Current Music: Radiohead-(in my head) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
9:48 am	Well I haven't written in a really long time and don't plan on writing very often but I have 30 min. left of study hall and nothing to do.. I mean, I could do homework but that is just plain stupid. I really have nothing exciting to say. I got new pointe shoes on Monday and sewed them and that was... exciting. not really. I think that I like pointe shoes after they have been used but before they are completely destroyed. I don't like them brand new, they are hard and for some reason I don't find them as pretty. It looks like you have worn them at all (which you haven't) and that they are just for looking at ha ha. What other interesting thoughts do I have? none. I will think of something though. Radiohead is fucking brilliant. but you all knew that. My birthday is in like a month or so close... Exciting... suuurrrrreeee... My insane brother returns Monday which I am excited about. I wonder if he has changed a lot in the last month. He is very bad at contacting people that are far away from him which sucks because his e-mails and calls consist of figuring out how he is going to get home, so I have been fully brotherless for the last month :( and things have happened that have possibly changed my view of him though I don't have the full story so that may not be true. who knows. There are about 2 people that read this and one doesn't have the internet... that makes me sad. In any case, I am off... But I am sure Lauren will be happy that I actually wrote in here for once. "I want to sleep, beneath a weeping willow, as it cries all night quietly; It's tears all around me; Til I'm allowed finally to wake and be happy, again"-Grandaddy Current Mood: -tired, sad,happy,confused Current Music: Grandaddy is playing in my head.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 6th, 2005
7:11 am	I try to sing it funny like Beck ... but it's bringing me down. -Grandaddy I have just learned that I love Grandaddy. ha ha. iPods are magical :D. I have learned about many new bands because we got some music from Satchel's friend. Do you ever listen to songs that are happy but they almost make you cry because they are so magnificent and you are amazed by how unique and pretty they are? Si. That is what Grandaddy did to me. SNOW DAY. I got up at the normal time though. I decided there was too much to do. Go to the Coffee Shop and library, read Wuthering Heights,watch a movie, listen to music,so why not start early. Plus being up early isn't that bad when your day is filled with fun things to do. La la la. la la la. I am now listening to Miles Davis. ha ha. love, Savannah Current Mood: content Current Music: Miles Davis-Four (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
12:37 pm	Tear. I am sad. I miss them. Si. OH well. I get to go back to shcool tomorrow. woohoo. I am so excited (all of this said in monotne). Yay. I get to mop the floor and do homeowrk. how exciting. (also in monotone) on the good side I GOT MY MUKLUKS. Yay. love, Savannah Current Mood: blah Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)